Confession

As much as I was excited for the 2010 Winter Olympics, I avoided watching it a lot. Something about the whole event just depresses me. It's as if everything about the games serves as a sad reminder of how I'm not up north.

On the land the media covered for weeks, that country hosting some of the world's greatest athletes, I left my heart along with my strength and security and inspiration and dreams.

Each time they played the Canadian anthem I remembered shifting uncomfortably whenever we were asked to stand and sing in Alberta.

"crap! I don't know the words!"

I remember looking helplessly up at him with hand over heart trying to mumble words I did not know, feeling terribly out of place. He would look back and smile at me, continuing to sing every word with pride.



Did you know, darling?
Did you know about the light you give off when you're proud?
And how fast the spark jumps when you stand not just for etiquette but for something you're sure of, something you believe in and defend and trust?
Here right next to you, how could I not want to share in the moment? And yet, it's yours and I would never want to impede. I'm more than content to just be beside you and try to follow along.

"Love does not consist of gazing at each other," Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, author of The Little Prince, has explained, "but in looking outward together in the same direction."

Did you have to look away?
How long did I try in
vain to sing along with
your secret silent song?

Did you know, darling?
Did you know about the (lack of) words I heard from you?
I --hopeyoudidntcrossyourheartforthat too--
am left reading measures you never bothered to pen

and I would still sing if I could do it
loud enough so that you would finally
--justmaybeevenpossibly-- hear me
but how long could I hold that note til my

lungs finally burst?

"I've got a bad liver and a broken heart,"

sin &
chocolate chip pancakes
and rosary beads that are the
same color as the nail polish on her
fingers as they sit wrapped around the neck
of a half-empty bottle she lifts from
the counter to her lips for

a long,

           slow

                   drink.

she could almost see her reflection on
an uncovered side of the now-empty
bottle she set down, licking her lips and
remembering his.
                         " another one, please. "

this sound, this scent, it all belongs to you,
my darling, but now you'll only taste like
chocolate chip pancakes
& sin

The most amazing thing

that I have ever seen in my entire life.

World's Largest Gummy Bear.

February, are you over yet?

Things are, as Dickinson would put it, "adequate." I have no major complaints.

Christopher's birthday, the "anniversary" of both the beginning and inevitable end the four-year-long relationship with Mitchell in highschool, my first Valentine's day alone in almost a decade, the first academically successful February in years.

Hanging in there, I suppose. Should be able to graduate within a year. I must admit that the uncertainty of life after college makes me want to prolong it for another term or two. I wouldn't mind a minor in biology as well.

Applied for a few jobs two weeks ago, don't seem to have any bites.

Out of this world?

I recently discovered the joys of audiobooks and have been pretty addicted ever since. Thomas hooked me up with a Demonoid account invite so I've been downloading at whim! The latest one I listened to was Dr John Gray's Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. As with all relationship advice, in my opinion, you have to take some of it with a grain of salt. (there has been speculaton about his credentials, actually, as well.) I mean... really? Men and women are from Earth. Nevertheless, it's a useful metaphor. Men and women ARE very different. A man and woman in any given situation, and if you monitor their brains you'll typically see completely different locations with high brain activity. Not to mention the huge weight societies place on gender distinctions!
Anyway, it was very interesting. I certainly would not swear by it (I take this same approach with stuff in Cosmo sex/relationship advice as well) but he made a lot of good points that are worth keeping in mind. Plus, I think his voice is just adorable, hahaha.