I suppose

that it certainly could be much, much worse.

Less than 30 days, new year's resolutions broken: every fucking one of them.

First report of 2011

Misssed classes for two weeks now. Doctor appointment Feb 16.

I lie in bed, unable to care or eat or go out. The pain from my right shoulder is flaring again.

My eyes are tired despite only looking at nothing all day.

My mouth, much like my spirit, is dry.

PROMPT: The Story of My Name

It's Chel. Not Chelsea, not Shell, not Michelle or whateverthefuck you want to extend it into. Just Chel. I sort of picked it, actually -- I was born Renchel Regene Marie. But I was born to parents too young, who attempted but failed to maintain commitment after accidental child. I haven't physically seen my father since I was four. I hated him for it, you know. Just a little less than I pitied myself. I didn't even want to talk to him for the longest time. And that was just over e-mail. It was easier that way. When I had the opportunity to change my name, my mom let me choose it. Somehow it made it more special, I guess. It gave me control after lacking it for so long and being miserable because of it. That's what the doctors said the anorexia was. My feeble attempt at gaining some sort of control over my life. It went terribly wrong, of course. I'm all too familiar with the scent of hospitals, too familiar with the policies in the ICU. They don't even let immediate family in, you know. Not until you're stable. And they can't be bothered to come out and give them updates. I don't even remember the ambulance. My mother cried and cried all night. It was Mother's Day.

OCD meets pen and paper

Lists, lists, lists
organization, categorization,
chronology, importance
numbers, numbers, numbers
spilling over to the next list
objects, events, people
names, positions, relationships
remember, remember
                 and do not forget
   tie a piece of string around
   your finger (instead of that
   noose around your neck--)
so it stays imprinted into your
mind,  so you can recall, with
some accuracy,whatever you
kept on your list
          list list lists.

PROMPT: "I can't believe he said that to you."

"That dick."

"I don't think he meant it like that," I began, but already the two brothers were nodding at each other slightly. They had this look in their bright blue eyes that told me they'd already made up their minds. I immediately regretted showing them his picture.

"Don't worry. We'll take care of it."

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead into my palms. "At least keep your masks on this time, please?"

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