Saturday in December

I had what will probably be my last visit with Dr. Blyss on Wednesday. It took me by surprise -- Dr. Ramsey had me coming in for over a year and I still didn't feel fully recovered. But I'm actually not constantly in pain anymore. Funny how chiropractors are different when their priorities are different. I suppose that isn't entirely the reason -- my reduction in medication seems to have aided the most in the reduction of my dizziness and high heart rate. I've cut it in half, approximately -- maybe 200mg less than I was taking before. This is, of course, not under the supervision of a psychiatrist because Kaiser won't give me another one yet. No matter. Ideally, I'll be able to wean myself off of all my medications (not including birth control, although I did look into permanent contraception the other day) so I won't have to worry as much in two years when I no longer qualify for my parents' health insurance.

Fall 2011 term is officially over. I think grades are up next week, but honestly I don't care -- I finished, and that's all I can ask for at this point. I admit that it's a little sad that I don't hold higher standards for myself, but I've been doing that for two decades and we all know how that turned out.

I've felt more productive lately, felt more positive. I feel better, I guess. Not quite good, but better enough that I  have hope of being able to wake up smiling again. 

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Learning to Read and Write

I believe that the unmoderated and instinctive behavior of children is the clearest window into someone's personality. Innocent and unashamed to be true to themselves, we can learn so much about ourselves just by analyzing our childhoods. For example, when my preschool class finished up our year, the teachers had us make these big paper folders to hold all the work we did and take home. They were already made for us, but we were able to decorate them with markers to our liking. I remember decorating mine with a random sort of print -- various letters (some of which were backwards) and numbers (only a few, since I didn't know how to write them all) in different colors. My friend was drawing fireworks, I think, and there were quite a few who'd just taken to scribbling different colors to cover the folder. "Um... I think you're doing it wrong," she said to me. I don't remember what I said in reply, since I still liked how it looked. I settled on adding some squiggles mixed in with the characters and was quite pleased with the result.

better write more...

Not feeling well today. Mentally, physically, emotionally -- you name it, it's down here with me. I'll likely end up not going to my Grant Writing course and perhaps my Rhetoric one if this headache keeps up. In the latter, however, we're discussing the first few chapters of one of our texts, "Writing & Healing," so I'm a little reluctant to not go.

Kittens and Bouncy Balls

While typing my morning pages (750 words) today, I kept getting distracted. My cat, Higgins, kept crying for some reason and I couldn't focus. It occurred to me at the end of my pages that he might have the right idea -- why keep quiet when you need something desperately? I heard him drop his bouncy ball, so he must have just wanted to play, but the concept is still relevant -- why suffer in silence when people who love and care for you are there and available? I certainly wouldn't meow at the top of my lungs and circle around a computer chair, but I need to do something other than pretend everything is okay when they clearly are not.

Glitch

Brit got me addicted to this new game called Glitch. You should totally play with us.

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