Thomas had a phone interview this morning with Kroger for an internal IT position. I was still sleeping but I heard his voice in the living room and slowly made my way to the couch next to him. I only heard half of the conversation of course, but I think the interview went really well -- Tom has this incredible ability to communicate with people and I think it really served him well during the call. I was beaming with pride as he talked about himself -- not with the overly critical pessimism with which he brings himself down with but with a strong, confidence that made me realize why I fell in love with him.
When he mentioned his studies at Ball State University there was a short pause followed by "I did not... I moved out here to take care of my girlfriend, so it's been tough to finish the one or two classes I need to graduate." I was in the kitchen at the time pouring myself a glass of milk and I almost burst into tears with guilt. This man completely left his work, school, family and friends in Indiana and traveled thousands of miles to a strange state where he didn't know anyone else but me.
Why?
Because I asked him to.
I remember a cold night at a hotel room in May, sitting across from him, watching his hands move as he talked. I told him once that all I wanted was someone to be here for me. Not in Canada, not in Indiana. Here. With me.
"I could be that guy," he said to me. "I would be that guy for you. I want to be that guy for you, Chel."
And now, two years later, he is and has been. He is everything I asked for, and more. He's stuck with me in the depths of my depression and struggled with finances while I finish school—which he also helped me with—and remain unemployed. He's pushed me forward when I felt like I couldn't go on and told me I was beautiful when I felt like dirt. He's stood up for me when I had no voice and held me up when I had no strength.
My deepest fear is that it was a mistake. I'm afraid that he ended up with the short end of the stick -- a mentally ill, unstable, insecure, overly dependent little girl who isn't good enough for anyone—much less someone so strong, smart, confident. I'm scared that the fact that I can never be content with what I have will cause him to doubt himself so much that he will be doomed to a life of unhappiness with an ungrateful bitch.
I live in constant debt to this wonderful man and can hardly pay interest. I really hope Tom lands this job and they pay him the money he deserves -- because he deserves so much more than he has now. He deserves so much more than this. So much more than me.
When he mentioned his studies at Ball State University there was a short pause followed by "I did not... I moved out here to take care of my girlfriend, so it's been tough to finish the one or two classes I need to graduate." I was in the kitchen at the time pouring myself a glass of milk and I almost burst into tears with guilt. This man completely left his work, school, family and friends in Indiana and traveled thousands of miles to a strange state where he didn't know anyone else but me.
Why?
Because I asked him to.
I remember a cold night at a hotel room in May, sitting across from him, watching his hands move as he talked. I told him once that all I wanted was someone to be here for me. Not in Canada, not in Indiana. Here. With me.
"I could be that guy," he said to me. "I would be that guy for you. I want to be that guy for you, Chel."
And now, two years later, he is and has been. He is everything I asked for, and more. He's stuck with me in the depths of my depression and struggled with finances while I finish school—which he also helped me with—and remain unemployed. He's pushed me forward when I felt like I couldn't go on and told me I was beautiful when I felt like dirt. He's stood up for me when I had no voice and held me up when I had no strength.
My deepest fear is that it was a mistake. I'm afraid that he ended up with the short end of the stick -- a mentally ill, unstable, insecure, overly dependent little girl who isn't good enough for anyone—much less someone so strong, smart, confident. I'm scared that the fact that I can never be content with what I have will cause him to doubt himself so much that he will be doomed to a life of unhappiness with an ungrateful bitch.
I live in constant debt to this wonderful man and can hardly pay interest. I really hope Tom lands this job and they pay him the money he deserves -- because he deserves so much more than he has now. He deserves so much more than this. So much more than me.
No comments:
Post a Comment