" i'm here without you, baby, but you're still on my lonely mind; i think about you, baby, and i dream about you all the time... "

A summation

of the months it has been

since I have last posted:

slow,

steady erosion.

There are many words that have come to my sad mind, but such little motivation to do anything that noting them down feels frivolous. It is a shame. I have forgotten many of them, and cannot say whether that is for better or for worse.

I currently lie in bed alone, having seen to sleep the love of my life, who begins his first day of class for this term tomorrow. I should also be in dreamland, but instead I find myself crying like a pathetic little nag. Unable to cope with change, yet unable to bear with the present. My parents are in Australia for my uncle's funeral. I have let myself run out of medication and desperately need more. I can feel it, and I only have myself to blame. No one knows, and I only have myself to blame. I feel as though I am killing myself and no one knows. And I only have myself to blame.

what the fuck is wrong with me? what the fuck is wrong with me