Jan 28, 2011

I suppose

that it certainly could be much, much worse.

Less than 30 days, new year's resolutions broken: every fucking one of them.

Jan 25, 2011

First report of 2011

Misssed classes for two weeks now. Doctor appointment Feb 16.

I lie in bed, unable to care or eat or go out. The pain from my right shoulder is flaring again.

My eyes are tired despite only looking at nothing all day.

My mouth, much like my spirit, is dry.

Jan 8, 2011

PROMPT: The Story of My Name

It's Chel. Not Chelsea, not Shell, not Michelle or whateverthefuck you want to extend it into. Just Chel. I sort of picked it, actually -- I was born Renchel Regene Marie. But I was born to parents too young, who attempted but failed to maintain commitment after accidental child. I haven't physically seen my father since I was four. I hated him for it, you know. Just a little less than I pitied myself. I didn't even want to talk to him for the longest time. And that was just over e-mail. It was easier that way. When I had the opportunity to change my name, my mom let me choose it. Somehow it made it more special, I guess. It gave me control after lacking it for so long and being miserable because of it. That's what the doctors said the anorexia was. My feeble attempt at gaining some sort of control over my life. It went terribly wrong, of course. I'm all too familiar with the scent of hospitals, too familiar with the policies in the ICU. They don't even let immediate family in, you know. Not until you're stable. And they can't be bothered to come out and give them updates. I don't even remember the ambulance. My mother cried and cried all night. It was Mother's Day.

Jan 7, 2011

OCD meets pen and paper

Lists, lists, lists
organization, categorization,
chronology, importance
numbers, numbers, numbers
spilling over to the next list
objects, events, people
names, positions, relationships
remember, remember
                 and do not forget
   tie a piece of string around
   your finger (instead of that
   noose around your neck--)
so it stays imprinted into your
mind,  so you can recall, with
some accuracy,whatever you
kept on your list
          list list lists.

Jan 6, 2011

PROMPT: "I can't believe he said that to you."

"That dick."

"I don't think he meant it like that," I began, but already the two brothers were nodding at each other slightly. They had this look in their bright blue eyes that told me they'd already made up their minds. I immediately regretted showing them his picture.

"Don't worry. We'll take care of it."

I leaned forward, pressing my forehead into my palms. "At least keep your masks on this time, please?"

Jan 5, 2011

PROMPT: I've never seen a sky quite like it.

I let my left foot catch up with its other and just stood there, head angled back, smiling like an idiot. I burst into laughter. Some women sitting together in a car paused before a red light in a black box turned and stared. Their lips took turns moving under their fixed eyes, but I angled my umbrella to block them out of my view. The clouds resumed their glow, and their sparkles fill all that is around me.

Jan 4, 2011

First day of classes

So tired.

Jan 3, 2011

One day I'll stop waiting til I'm done writing the blog to write the title.

So I've been addicted to this app on my iPhone called Opinionaided. It's this thing where  people post questions (or in reality, anything at all) and you can offer your opinion and/or advice. I tried it on a whim, because the screenshots the developers posted had it being used for fashion advice and I sure do love fashion!

What I've really been into, though, was giving advice in the Dating & Relationships sections. I'm not sure who the target audience is for the app but I've been seeing a lot of teenagers using it and they have pretty much the same problems I had when I was a teenager, so I felt compelled to offer advice. I guess I didn't really know what to expect when I started -- I'm sort of used to all the trolls on WoW and stuff -- but I've been getting a lot of sincere people who really appreciate the advice. Actually, most people I offer advice to really appreciate it and seem to benefit from it.

It got me thinking, thanks to Get-It-Done-Guy Stever Robbins and his book, if I could somehow turn that skill into a career. That is not to say that I somehow want to make money off of these people -- I just want to do this for a living! It makes me happy helping people. I want to be able to do it all the time, not just whenever I have free time. I often don't really find myself with enough free time to spend anyway!

Jan 2, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

* No skipping classes
* Study more
* Write daily
* Chat with more people one-on-one
* Volunteer at the high school
* Read/listen to books for fun