"So you back in school or is it still break?"
it's still break, classes start monday
"Any good plans this weekend? Not gonna go party it out?"
i kinda feel guilty doing that.. like whenever I think about Chris.
"Oh. Still miss him?"
probably too much.. sigh.
"Let me guess, you feel like you pushed him out?"
(out)
heh... i guess.
(but not down)
"I'm just making guesses here. But you probably regret, even if it's a little bit, having that conversation with him about the future?"
i dunno. i regret a lot of things about the relationship
"That's usually the case for most relationships that end... unless there was an enormous explosion at the end.
But I'm one to talk.. I'm having issues of my own with my girlfriend."
what's wrong?
"I dunno. she's just not as fun to be around any more. that sounds horrible but I dunno
when we're together I suddenly find myself being bored.. or unhappy."
(was that what it was like for Christopher?)
that's no good
(perhaps, then, it should've ended sooner..)
"Shes also going to school, so our time together is limited. We've been going out for 3-4 months... last weekend we had a talk about the future and things."
(three months? we would've gone three years without even touching the subject if he had his way..)
and?
"It isn't that we don't want the same thing. The end is the same, it's the middle part that's different."
(i just wanted to be with him—)
"She wants to go to grad school in California,"
(—that's all i ever wanted)
"and I want to stay on the east coast, and try and get a high position job with the government. Personally, I don't like California..."
(—you're all i ever wanted)
---
"...couple of other things were different about what we wanted that could be worked out. But they could also be deal breakers if not... kids, where to live, if things don't go how we want, could we cope with it.. together"
well, at least you got to talk about it. i mean, even I didn't get him to tell me about his ex-girlfriends til a few months ago.
"oh?"
yeah... he was never much of a talker
"haha, I noticed. Though it's different between guys then it is a guy and girl. Was it what you expected?"
i dunno, i didn't really expect anything. which is probably why it went okay. i just listened...
---
...i was just curious
"My girlfriend asked about mine... it was kinda odd."
but i mean i kinda felt that like after well over a year that it was a fair question
"yeah. You guys talk at all? Or is he still ignoring you for the most part?"
once in a while I'll send him something from TFLN or he'll link me some nonsense from I-Am-Bored but that's about it
"So you're back to casual friends at best?"
i haven't really tried to strike up a conversation...
(but oh do i want to every god damned day)
cause i wanted to give him space, you know?
"Yeah, I suppose. Good call."
i did work up the courage ask to talk, once... but he just said he was sleepy. so i kinda took the hint since then.
"I don't ask him about you anymore... not that it's any of my business."
he probably doesn't have much to say anyway.
"Yeah not really. Last night someone made a quip about 'calling his ex' during the raid... if I recall correctly it was sort of just a big sigh that came from his mic."
well that's kind of a dick thing to say
(how the hell did he even know about that? we didn't tell anyone)
"yeah, it's okay though we yelled the guy for being a moron."
haha... good
"I shoot the shit with him about his games. He seems to like to talk about his current games."
(just like a little boy—)
yup, sounds pretty typical.
"Supreme Commander 2 and some random D2 game. He's either in withdrawl or he is still a kid partly."
i'm gonna go with the latter.
(—but he was my boy)
"Well a few years makes a big difference."
(and i was his girl—)
"I mean... comparing a freshman to a senior is sort of similar."
(—i suppose that i still am)
"Similar but at the same time vastly different.
But in any case... he needs to grow up some."
(what a shame.)
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