I still love Christopher while I am with Thomas. Yeah, I know. I'm a shitty girlfriend any way you look at it and I'm completely nuts for confessing any of it.
Christopher, I will always love you. And yet, you and I --
remember that day I was simply inconsolable?
remember that day that to you was hardly out of the ordinary because
remember that day was like any other day for you because
remember that you never understood why you hurt me so easily? I sent you a song and you were excited to listen to another piece of music which
reminded that silly little girl of yours of the two of you, like the ones I'd sent before with love and devotion (if you need a hand to hold there look down by your knee) and you had nothing to say because you were not expecting a song that forced you to
remember that nagging thought in the deep dark place in the back of your head that said exactly what the chorus did
-- we are not meant to be. Tyler Connolly had it right, didn't he? I love you, but I am no longer in love with you.
Thomas, sweet Thomas, you will never be perfect.
You will upset me and you will let me down and you will make mistakes and you will forget important things. But the fact that you would give me a place in your life, the fact that you want me there for the long haul, and the fact that you could never imagine telling me it'd be better to plan my life without your protective arms around me or whispering in my ear that it's going to be okay or promising me you'll make it all better... that is all that I have ever wanted.
I can't type any more because the gentle sigh you let escape as you sleep quietly on the other end of Skype is almost sufficient to burst my heart open. You just don't know all that it is you do so effortlessly.
i am still a shitty girlfriend.
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