May 15, 2011

She's not breathing back

I didn't get a chance to write about it on Wednesday, but Thomas and I celebrated our one year anniversary on the 11th. We went out to dinner then went back home. It was pleasant. I had fun.

But throughout the entire day I had this uncomfortable, restless feeling. I couldn't (and still struggle to) articulate it properly, and I absolutely didn't mention it to Tom. Thinking more about it, I suppose I just didn't really know what I was supposed to feel. My last boyfriend didn't particularly give a shit about ours (though you could argue that there wasn't much he did) and the relationship before that didn't last six months. It's not that I'm being bitter or cynical -- I just don't really know how I should be feeling. Do I mimic other young couples, reveling in conceit over monthly landmarks? Do I downplay the event, pointing out its insignificance in the long run? Why celebrate a year when you intend to spend the rest of your life with someone?
Does that then mean that you should never celebrate any landmarks? Is it possible to celebrate every day and not risk overly cheesy sentimentality?

I guess I forgot how to be a girlfriend.

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