dashboard confessional

So quiet.

Another wasted night. The television steals the conversation.

E x h a l e.

Another wasted breath,

Again it goes unnoticed.

please tell me you're just feeling tired... cause if it's more than that, I fear that I might break. (out of touch, out of time) please send me anything but signals that are mixed... cause I can't read your rolling eyes (out of touch, are we out of time?)

Close-lipped,

another goodnight kiss is robbed of all it's passion.

Your grip

("another time") is slack;

it leaves me feeling empty.

I'll wait until tomorrow... maybe you'll feel better then. (maybe we'll be better then) So what's another day? when I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you. This mood of yours is temporary; it seems worth the wait to see your smile again.

Out of the corner of your eye

won't be the only way

you're looking at me then.

iTunes, you fucking virus.

So I turned on my laptop last night and opened up iTunes only to find that the entirety of my library and playlists were gone.

Am I surprised? No. It's Apple.

Am I pissed? Fuck yes.

Apparently it's happened to a lot of people, too, but I haven't found a damn thing (much less any info from Apple) on how to fix it.

I've gotta figure out what I want to manage my music and iPod with now. Sigh.

counting the days

i have just enough fingers

to count down all of the days 'til i see you again

and it feels like my life is really in my hands now

tangible and resting in the palm of each

i am in control.

i love it.

who knew the dregs of depression could be so sweet?

gave up on myself (you didn't give up on me)

I have had no change in medication nor any visits with a therapist of any sort.

Interestingly enough, I notice an improvement nevertheless.

Of course there have been changes -- most notably academically. With a lot of support and encouragement from people, I changed my major to English, and met with an advisor to plan out the extra year I'd be taking. I'd really always wanted to major in English... but something about Filipino families makes their children feel like failures if they don't become doctors. My parents are a lot more understanding now though, so that helps.

So I'm enjoying school more, and less stressed. Chris is infinitely supportive and loving as usual, and I can go to Brit or Tom if I'd rather talk to someone else.

I'm visiting aforementioned wonderful boyfriend and staying with him and his family for the holidays. Leaving the 16th at night... I cannot wait. :)

Some things still require conscious effort to go through and I am still unsure about this papercut-phobia I seem to have. It's just weird.

All in all, this the first winter I've found myself happy during for years.