Reflection

It's somewhat ironic, I suppose; to fall for someone completely different from you in so many ways.
"Opposites attract," science and cliche tells us. Then what does one expect? I could pen thousands upon thousands of poems, waste an eternity on prose -- and yet from the one person whose opinion means the world to me, I would hear not a word.

Why does that sting so badly?
Perhaps if I were to see a smile, I would be content to know a reaction. Unfortunately, that isn't possible with 800 miles between us.
So I ask for more; I interrogate; I make assumptions (usually the worst) and ask more questions based on those. oh Lord, how does anyone put up with me?

I just wanted to know him. I just wanted to understand how things affected him. I just wanted to know his thoughts, and perhaps be delighted to find that I was so often in them. I just wanted his opinion. I just wanted to see things from his point of view. I just wanted to hear his voice.

I needed to hear his voice.



I needed to hear something...anything to tell me that everything was going to be okay and not to be scared and we'd get through it together and please don't cry don't cry don't cry.

And I don't care if you don't like my pretty words or perhaps the ones I have are not-so-pretty; I want to hear your thoughts and your uncertainty and your confusion and your ideas.

I want to be able to talk to you -- and be talked back to. Reciprocity, even in the most minimal of ways.

When I wanted to talk about the future, I didn't want bullet points and diagrams and promises. I wanted hopes I wanted ideas I wanted fears I wanted plans -- to be followed through or to be broken a third of the way in. I didn't ask for marriage or children or a house or anything.

Why did you have to turn away from me like that? Why did you have to lie and keep things from me all of a sudden? Why couldn't you just trust me and talk to me? Why could you never ever talk to me?
What did I do to lose the trust you gave me? What did I do to make us so distant? Why did you want me to plan my life without you?



I know that karma always comes around;
I must've done something awfully wrong to deserve this feeling inside me.