I have decided that I will not have children. Ever.
People dismiss my statement as a common one of young people with the implication that I, like many others my age, will reconsider as I grow older. Be it my "biological clock" or the desire to raise a family or happy accident, people think I will be a mother one day. Even my doctor doesn't think permanent contraception is worth talking to me about.
What they do not understand is my paralyzing fear of pregnancy and childbirth (as a former biology student, I know too many terrible details), incredible selfishness, long-term prescriptions to anti-depressants, and high susceptibility to postpartum depression.
I hear about people like Andrea Yates, the woman who killed all five of her children during a postpartum psychotic depression, and I fear for my unborn babies enough to never want to become pregnant. Neurologist Alice Flaherty, in the book I have been reading, discusses her PPD while looking at the link between literary creativity and mental illnesses -- it's basically cementing my decision.
I feel like children will not make me happy and I will make miserable children. Why bother?
People dismiss my statement as a common one of young people with the implication that I, like many others my age, will reconsider as I grow older. Be it my "biological clock" or the desire to raise a family or happy accident, people think I will be a mother one day. Even my doctor doesn't think permanent contraception is worth talking to me about.
What they do not understand is my paralyzing fear of pregnancy and childbirth (as a former biology student, I know too many terrible details), incredible selfishness, long-term prescriptions to anti-depressants, and high susceptibility to postpartum depression.
I hear about people like Andrea Yates, the woman who killed all five of her children during a postpartum psychotic depression, and I fear for my unborn babies enough to never want to become pregnant. Neurologist Alice Flaherty, in the book I have been reading, discusses her PPD while looking at the link between literary creativity and mental illnesses -- it's basically cementing my decision.
I feel like children will not make me happy and I will make miserable children. Why bother?
1 comment:
:( It is not for anyone to decide but yourself, Chel. That is a super big commitment and decision and no one should try to sway you in any one direction or make you feel bad either way. So I wont even go there. But I will mention that I too have the same incredible fear of childbirth. And having already gone through pregnancy (sucked sucked sucked for me - for the most part), I'm not looking forward to it again (if it's the same). And I will still be terrified of giving birth in any form. I had Anistynn via C - Section and was freaking out because I have never had surgery in my whole life. I hadnt even had an IV, let alone ever spent the night in a hospital. But I DID get through it and I made it out just fine. And from my own personal view, I'm totally in love with my baby girl. But then again, I've ALWAYS wanted to be a mama. Tony and I want at least one more child, probably in the next few years. But I am scared shitless to go down that route again. If you ever want to hang out with a kiddo but you dont want to have one of your own, well, Anistynn is right here waiting to love on you :)
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