May 3, 2014

Let's just call it "Apartness."

For some reason I am still surprised at how much my mood improves with social interaction. Since I've been working at home, I don't get much face-to-face time with anyone other than Tom who is not really much of a talker. Today, I had breakfast with a friend and lunch + coffee with my parents. I actually had to turn down a last-minute invite from someone else for lunch (side note: when did I become so popular?) and felt a little bad.

It's tough for me to be in a bad mood when I hang out with people. There's just something about the human interaction energizes me -- hell, even sitting outside people-watching can be fun as well. The latter can easily become depressing, however, if viewed with a perception of... apartness? Is that a word? Let's go with that. I mean just feeling separated and not a part of the world you are watching.

This "apartness," which I'm guessing isn't a real word since Chrome is underlining it with a red squiggly line, is something that tends to creep up on me often. It's so easy for people to get wrapped up in their own lives and not keep in touch with others'. Privacy is nice though, isn't it? Nobody knows the silly things I do in my little room.

But god, it's so deadly.

Apartness keeps me from enjoying my life. It keeps me pressing my nose against the glass, smudging the window with my dirty fingerprints while I watch the world pass me by. It makes me feel alone and unloved and unwanted and undeserving of happiness. Apartness robs you of the right of every human to feel deserving.

Don't give in. Make efforts to connect to another human being even in the smallest way. Kick Apartness's ass. I sure as hell will be fighting it.

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