The feedback I got when I workshopped my chocolate chip pancakes poem in class last week was interesting—I must admit that I get a kick out of listening to other people's interpretations of my work when my intention or inspiration was something completely different.
They said something about feeling "sin" was too vague, too broad to work in the context of the poem. I can't find any better words to convey what I meant... well, no. That's a lie. I can't find a concise way to convey it. From my WR 213 notebook, scribbled in the margins:
They said something about feeling "sin" was too vague, too broad to work in the context of the poem. I can't find any better words to convey what I meant... well, no. That's a lie. I can't find a concise way to convey it. From my WR 213 notebook, scribbled in the margins:
Sin, oh sin,
gluttony, i could
call you lust,name
you pride or envy,
maybe label you as
wrathworn downto
sloth. and greed?
oh Lord, how guilty,
how guilty i am .
i pray along each pink
bead of my rosary —
but my penance runs
deep—too deep,I am
afraid.How canicouldi
ever atone? Oh,what
a wretched,wretched
little thing kneeling
here. She's a sinner,
she's a sinner; I'm a
sinner, I'm a sinner.
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